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Sometimes when you meet someone for the first time, you
immediately sense an attraction. This happens because your subconscious
recognizes similarities you share with that person. This instant recognition is
not love, but provides an opportunity for you to get to know each other and
possibly fall in love. This is nature's way of bringing two people who share
compatibility together. Sometimes this happens, but the people involved miss the
opportunity to make a physical connection with each other, but the mental
connection is clear. (Chapter 7 “What is Love”)
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If you believe you have a serious case of
self-esteem deficiency, it is best to seek help from a trained professional.
Sometimes, however a lack of self-esteem can develop from the beliefs system you
acquired from childhood and throughout your lifetime. This is information you
learned from your parents, grandparents, teachers, the media, and so on. These
beliefs govern your life, but may no longer be relevant to your present
circumstances. There are ways you can overcome some of these negative beliefs by
yourself. One such way is the Option Method. (Chapter 7, “Reclaiming
suppressed and disowned parts of yourself”).
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Every relationship is different, but there are some
tell-tale signs once you get to know your partner better. By learning these
signs, you can be reasonably certain if true love does or does not exist between
you and your partner. Sometimes an opportunity may arise when true love can be
positively proven, but such cases are rare. (Read one such case in Chapter 7,
“Seven ways to tell if he/she truly loves you.”)
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Bars are excellent venues for meeting new friends. And
yes, you can find someone with whom you can have a serious relationship.
However, there are certain precautions you must take. For example, do not turn
an encounter with someone you meet in a bar into a date. It is better to
exchange information and make arrangements to meet elsewhere at a later time.
(Chapter 3, “Bars and Nightclubs.”)
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Maybe. The battle of the sexes originated many
generations ago, when women were forced to depend upon men for their survival.
Since that time in history, women became subject to men's will and to laws men
made to govern women's sexuality. These laws in effect said, “Offer your
sexuality to me and only me, and I will provide you with care and protection.
Refuse and I will not.” It was the man who threw the first stone in a battle
that has lasted for hundreds of generations. Even today, people enter
relationships with this understanding: “Okay, I will give you what you want,
but only if you give me what I want.” (Chapter 11, “Insight into a
woman's” Psyche.”)
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If at the beginning of a relationship or a short period
thereafter you do not feel a sexual attraction for your partner, it is unlikely
that this chemistry would develop. Like with everything else, there are
exceptions, but with sexual chemistry, you either have it or you don't. And
there are reasons why. (Chapter 6 “What is Sexual Chemistry.”)
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You must honestly evaluate yourself to determine your
strengths and weaknesses, and what you have to offer a prospective mate. For
example, are you available? Are you of good character, and, are you committed to
personal growth? There are ways you can rate yourself. And if you score
reasonably high on the eligibility scale, you can confidently consider yourself
a good catch. (Chapter 1 “Know your strengths and weaknesses.”)
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Yes, friends are an excellent source to assist you in
your search for your ideal partner. Friends already know you and may have a
pretty good idea of your taste. Also, friends, especially those already in a
relationship, would want to see you happy. But, there are some precautions you
ought to take when dealing with friends. For example, let your friends know your
preferences beforehand, this way you can avoid ill feelings and possible
embarrassment. (Chapter 3 “Introduction through friends.”)
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International dating services have become quite popular
in recent times; many men claim they have found suitable partners through these
services. Also, recent studies show marriages to women who men met through these
services, tend to have a lower divorce rate than the national average. (Chapter
3 “Men seeking foreign brides.”)
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You cannot always judge a person by his/her family's
standards; people's personalities can be different from those of their families.
However, be aware, that a person's upbringing has a lot to do with how he/she
turned out. It's necessary to obtain information about the family of the person
with whom you intend to share your life. For example, find out why his family is
in jail. Someone from a family of habitual criminals may have similar
personalities. (Chapter 6, “Family Background.”)
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Mother's love, which is considered the highest form of
love there is, is associated with care and protection. So when someone feels
loved, he/she feels cared for and protected; he/she feels safe. In the days of
hunter/gatherers, a man who loved a woman would do whatever it took, including
risking his life to provide the necessities for her survival. In return his wife
would show her love by providing the comforts of home, such as, treating his
wounds, giving him sexual pleasure, and bearing him children. (Chapter 7,
“What is love?” and Chapter 10 “Warriors also need love”)
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Traditionally, men felt needed when their wives
depended on them as the principal providers. This status identified men as heads
of their households. Today most men share equal partnerships with their wives in
the home. But while this may be true for the majority, some men continue to live
by the old traditions. To some of these men, an independent wife may be viewed
by them as a threat to their masculinity. (Chapter 7, “Too much
independence.”)
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It is entirely up to the woman, but she should be aware
that having sex too soon may cause a man to treat her as a casual sex partner.
On the other hand, delaying sex too long may cause a man to think something is
wrong with her. There are ways, however, for a woman, if she chooses to delay
sex but keep a man's interest. (Chapter 8, “When is the right time to have
sex.”)
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There are some things you can only find
out about a person, if you live with him/her day-in day-out under the same roof.
Living together before marriage might be a good way to confirm compatibility
between two people. It is important however for both partners to agree
beforehand on their reasons for living together. If living together is a
prerequisite to getting married, there are certain precautions a couple should
take. (Chapter 8, “Living together before marriage.”)
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Traditionally, people remained in unhappy marriages
because of their commitment. — “Until death do us part.” Today, with the
practice of easy divorce, people are refusing to stay married if they are
unhappy. Hence, people are not staying married because of their commitment, but
they become committed to their partners when the marriage is a happy one.
(Chapter 9, “Why people marry.”)
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Not necessarily. Today's media reinforces the concept
that women are attracted to strong and assertive men. Also, instinctively, women
connect strength and aggressiveness with a man's capability to protect them.
This goes back to an era in history, when women depended on men to protect them
from renegade forces. This trait remained in women's generic structure, and
passed on to the present day generation. So if a man appears wimpy, he might not
immediately attract women, but this does not mean she will not be attracted to
him if he possesses other fine qualities. (Chapter 11, “Insight into a woman's
psyche.”)
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One reason could be that she does not feel loved the
way she did before marriage. Women are sexually motivated when they feel loved.
During courtship when love is new for both man and woman, a man is usually most
affectionate. He spontaneously shows love by sending flowers or buying
thoughtful gifts for the woman. She feels cherished which make her emotionally
receptive to sex. After they are married, the man may feel that the courtship is
over and may not be as spontaneous as he was before. Keeping the courtship alive
in a relationship goes a long way in maintaining passion between you and your
partner. (Chapter 11, “Sex and Courtship,” and “What can men do to have
sex with their wives more often.”)
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For generations, men have been taught to suppress
tender emotions. This trait in men originated at a time when men had to be
ruthless to protect themselves and families from their enemies. Men learned to
trust no one but themselves. They could not show any signs of weakness, if they
did, their enemies would dominate them. They hesitated to let down their guard,
even in the presence of their women for fear of betrayal. They love and needed
women, but saying “I love you” would make them vulnerable, or so they
believed. This trait is in men's generic structure, and has been handed down to
the present-day generation. (Chapter 11, “Movement from peace to violence.”)
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